Tonight’s show focused on sex and sexuality after
childbirth. Ryan and Cheryl worked to uncover some of the myths,
misconceptions, and mysteries on the subject, while also focusing on how to
build a healthy sexual relationship between partners after childbirth. While the birth of a child (especially a
first child!) brings a great deal of exciting and happy new changes, it also
brings changes to a couple’s relationship and one’s self which may take some
extra work to navigate.
Our first guest tonight was Christina Holmes, Florida Licensed Midwife, Nationally
Certified Professional Midwife, and owner of Birthways Family Birth Center.
Christina talked with us about some of the physiological changes which can take
place after birth, and discussed the differences between being physically recovered
from birth and being “ready” for sex. Christina
also stressed the importance of open communication between partners, which can help
ease stress and fears about common concerns like changes in the body.
Our next guest was Deborah Huntley , PhD Licensed Psychologist,
Certified Addictions Professional, and Certified Sex Therapist. Deb currently
has a private practice in Sarasota, where she has practiced since 1981. She
treats individuals and couples for a variety of concerns, both non-sexual and
sexual. Deb began the discussion by
letting listeners know that a decreased sex drive after childbirth is normal
and natural, and emphasized that this change is active on a variety of
different levels, including changes in hormone, scheduling, and the addition of
an important and new relationship with one’s child. She emphasized the
importance of self-care, and widening one’s notions of “sex” to include more
than just vaginal/penile intercourse. Along with sharing tips on these topics,
Deb also discussed the importance of communication, especially understanding
partner’s individual expectations and needs.
Finally, Deb shared the importance of sticking with a relationship, and
putting the work in to make it last, and recommended authors John Gottman and Marsha Lucas.
On top of the wonderful
advice we received from professionals this week, the Maternally Yours
Collective also turned to you! Here is the great advice about keeping the spark
alive we received from our listeners:
-Take time for YOU!! Eat sexy foods- a sushi, red wine and chocolate date make me remember and reclaim
the sexy goddess I was before kids. Find a babysitter you can drop off to-
an empty house is fabulous! And it's even better if you drop the kids off and
have time for a bubble bath and dressing while your man makes dinner. After the
home date is over let Him do the kid pickup so you can lounge, read a book, or
take a nap while you enjoy that post sex glow. Have a close circle of
friends- people who you can dish to, vent, seek advice from and share empathy.
Talk about your sex struggles with your partner. If your mama hormones are
robbing you of moisture, effecting you Lobito or making orgasm feel
unobtainable talk it out! Feel less sexy with your mama bod? Talk it out. Take
plenty of time- try not to rush it. (From Maternally Yours’ Cheryl!)
-Be patient and gentle with yoursel
-Nourish yourself, reenergize, exercise; remember you’re not
just a mom! Appreciate your body for all it has done regardless of the shape.
Appreciate the extra weight or new shape: your body creates life, food... and
fun.
-Fake it. I seriously think I still look like I did at my
hotness of 18 and have convinced myself. So yeah, I can rock my porn star sex
life a couple months out since I feel that hot. Sometimes I look in the mirror
and say, "who the hell is that?" I quickly ditch that thought and go
back to thinking I'm my old look self. Sleep is also key, obviously. If that
doesn't happen, decide to have a great day and it'll happen most of the time.
Oh, and getting into bed early can be great, even if you're just reading and
he's trying to knock off. Wake him up!!
- The bed is for sleeping. The kitchen floor, shower, couch,
back seat of the car are for sex. Have fun with it!
- Take advantage of the odd times of the say that children
sleep. That 10 am nap can quickly turn
into a sexy lunch break.
- Schedule regular date nights where kids are dropped with a
sitter and you and your partner go back to your nest and enjoy each other.
-Remember that intimacy is more than just intercourse. Have fun
being playful and exploring ways to excite your partner without penetration.
-The more you “do it” the more you’ll want to do it!
-While it may seem counterintuitive, if you push through the
initial exhaustion and feeling of ambivalence about having sex and just do it,
you will enjoy yourself and have fun.
- Laundry and dishes can wait. Hire a maid! Your
relationship is more important than any chore.
-Massage, exercise and buy (or borrow) a couple of items of
new clothes that make you look and feel hot
-Shower and exercise--although easier said than done.
-Get your chi moving/ flowing! Yoga, acupuncture, dance,
massage.
Birth in the News:
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